for anyone that is interested, i have been attending a course for the past two weeks. the course will last for about 2 months i think. but i feel i may that longer cuz i'm not that gd at all.. haha. it is certainly fun and although it is merely the basics, i hope i can master the skills. it doesn't seem as easy as i thought and sure needs a lot a lot of determination. i guess we should change the phrase "patience is a virture" to "determination is a virture". reason being patience is a subset of determination. you can be patient but you will not complete a task without determination. on the other hand, when you're determined, you must then be patient too.

i've made new frens there but i dunno how long can those friendships last cuz i'll 'graduate' earlier. anyway, now i know what 'eye candy' means exactly. there is this guy there who is really good looking... i was kind of distracted by him for the last few days but not anymore now. not because i'm tired of him, but because i seemed to have controlled myself. haha. most of the students there are malaysians. they thought that i'm PRC! =\ even the teacher also.. i think they should learn how to differentiate me and PRC. i don't speak in their accents and pitches~~~~~ aiyo.. i think i should speak english whenever i first meet strangers.. some sentences of broken english will let them know my citizenship. hahaha.. maybe i should say that this is the disadvantage of speaking near-to-perfect-chinese.

hmmm. nowadays, i feel that i was not as diligent as i was. haix!!! uni admission has became the greatest distraction. i also always rmb all the bad things that happened.. zzz.. i very the sianz. one of the frens there asked me if i have high expectations of myself. i asked her why and she said that the way i handle my work reflects it. oh my.. like that also can show. well, this may be good to guide the ignorants and young. however, it is no longer good for me as i no longer belong to that group of people. because of the expectations, i yearnt to be among the best. unfortunatly, i no longer qualified to be one of the best. some how, my mindset is pretty extreme in this case. if not the best, i thought i can be one of the worse. at least, i'm related to some 'status'. but no, i'm just the average or maybe below average. i really hate this. no one will pay attention to me and will forget me soon. also, i wont have a sense of satisfaction or anything to be proud of. .............


i recalled that two mums asked me to help to correct their daughters' mindset, behaviour etc some time ago.. i can be a counsellor liao. -.- i think that can be a mission which is impossible by looking at their attitude towards me or the the things i said. firstly, i think they don't feel that there's a need to shelf some time for me this friend because they are happy with the things they are doing when their mums are not happy. as for me, not too happy either. secondly, everytime when i talk to them, one of them will say "yes.. yes.. i understand". does this sound like pri sch kid telling you he understand when he doesn't? i really dunno how much she understand or if she has even gotten my point. the other will say "aiya, just like that lor" or remain silent.

maybe it is the parents' fault to be unable to teach them but as kids grow older, how much can parents control? then they switch to seeking help from their frens. well, i feel honoured to be seeked. in order to help, i can nag at them more than their mums do and i felt bad afterwards. i must admit that i cannot help anymore. i am frustrated at the thought of this whole incident. i feel like screaming at them "FU! you aren't young anymore and yet you still need your mum and friends to worry for you? won't you just WAKE UP and change your life?"

frankly speaking, the only thing that i admire about them is that they are the best in the worse in certain aspects. actually this also makes me realise that if i can't accept the lifestyle or behaviour or attitude etc of the best in the worse, i don't think i can be one of them. so, i reckon i'll most probably be stucked in the average. SAD. kenny told me if carrying of guns were no longer be banned in singapore, the first to be killed should be benny. initially, i don't understand why. but now i noe because he is also frustrated with benny like how one of the girls does to me. haha. oh nonono, i don't kill people. i'm cool. i merely give up on some people. =)