i feel lost. i finally know that the feeling i'm having now is called 'lost'. i didn't know until someone told me so. hence, i hate occasions such as national day and teacher's day etc.. after you get so high during the celebration, you'll get depressed when it ends. maybe it is because of human's natural emotions but i now can conclude that it is more of feeling lost.

i feel lost because intially, my schedule should be very packed today but because mk is sicked so we can't go watch fireworks and today is National Day again! i was very high when i went to the preview. you know, when the surrounding situation and people are so 'right', you'll just get high and especially it is national day parade, you'll feel patriotic too. lolx. but today, i stayed at home through out the day and i feel that my emotions just don't fit into the day. therefore, i'm lost now.

i FINALLY finish watching zhong ji yi jia. there are 55 episodes. haix. i guess this is the longest taiwan idol tv serial that i have ever watched. damn draggy but funny at some parts. not very funny, at average standard only. lolz.


tell you guys sth. can you imagine if one of your eye is scratched? i'm totally disgusted at the thought of it. feel like vomitting my dinner now. OK, STOP thinking. there is this emotion in me which i can't differentiate it. i think it is anger but it doesn't seem to be anger also. maybe worried? i don't know la. haix. i also don't know. you can get knee, back and head injuries but why eye? i just recall that i had 'invested' a pair of eyes one or two years ago. she has such a beautiful pair of big eyes which i treasure as much as mine. i'm getting goose bumps now. don't say le.


i feel so guilty yesterday!! i forget to bring the pizza home and forget to email lena the record and forget to tell vicky i taking half day off on monday and was so so so so so distracted. 3 reasons for being distracted: 1, i still haven't have enough fun. 2, bibi told me about taking up a business. 3, subconsiously, i'm worrying about not having enough money when i'm about to receive my pay. the second reason caused me to forget / unwilling to tell vicky i'm leaving early. the third reason cause me to forget everything i'm suppose to do. LOL. i think my worries submerge into my soul so deep until i can worry about no money when i'm going to have money. haha. i believe that this subconsious effect will affect me more in the near future.

with regards to not having enough fun, i can say that i just got addicted into an ACTIVITY. haha. people around me are actually quite worried that i'll become like that forever which i doubt so when i always change so fast. once i get sicked of it, then it is the end of that. i like it is because the sound and bass tremble my soul so much that there is no subconsious effect. my speaker volume now is also louder than usual. anyway, i feel a bit weird as i'm playing when the rest of the people are studying now. ha.

maybe you can say that i'm more addicted to my subconsious effect rather than anything i'm doing now. i'm trying to escape and control myself. =)


my knee cap is pain. all because of the my walking and lifestyle habits. i strain too much on the right. now i have to rely on the left. one day, i won't be able to walk anymore. haha..