woohoo!! great news! the tsunami wave of my addiction to club is subsiding!!!

i had been going quite frequent for this month? i told my new friends i only go once in a blue moon. blue my head sia, bullllllshit is more likely. but i'm not lying as well. i'm just telling them about something that will happen in the future.

i'm someone who has high inertia. it means that i am very reluctant to move but when i start to move, i won't stop. i'm really like that. when i can sleep for long hours, i won't wan to wake up unless i'm hungry. haha. when i start to do my homework, i won't stop until my eyes cannot open anymore. this applies to clubbing too. why? read the below.

i was having a bad mood yesterday. due to my commitment, i had to wear formal yesterday again! it is a saturday you know. my friend said that i can wear smart casual. YA RIGHT smart casual. when i reached, all wore white long sleeve shirts and black long pants. she wore jeans and me too. i expected that they will wear that but i die also don't want to wear formal so i wore jeans but with white long sleeve shirt. saturday also make me wear formal, so i a bit pek chay liao. then, we attend the 6 hours talk. wa kao, you try to sit there for 6 hours and the speakers give me a feeling that they are superficial.. but i must agree that the talk is still beneficial.

after that i go lazed around at my godmum's house before i go phuture. i was very very bored and tired but i still went. that person who asked me to go was even more tired than me and she was late. by then, the whole day's boredom, pek-chey-ness and bo-song-ness accumulate until my mood is very very low already. i even requested to leave me alone at one corner of the club sia.

there are many WHYs in my head?

why are you late when i'm in bad mood? ok, this is like crap. nvm.
why do you still want to go when you're so tired already? i can't really accept your invalid reason. ok, fine, heck care.
why are they talking to me in an unconfidence tone which gives me an uneasy feeling as if they are trying to con me?
why should i believe them?
why does he sounds so superficial? it is basically because i had discussed the topic in class before and i always remembered that yc said that 'it is superficial'.
why does it look like some syndicate trying to make use of the youths and children?
why are they repeating?
why can't they give me more time and stop stressing me?

i can answer all the above questions myself now. i can give an answer which agrees or disagrees with them. i'm very confused now and stressed up. i can't differentiate if they are enemy or friend. how, in this state, can i do my best? i don't understand too many things. really.

so i began enjoying my new hobby - play with the ice and the candle.

then i met my new friend and we all danced even though among us, two were half dead. i was being nice la. i danced with them and trying to make 'them' high. but i felt like a *. wa lao, it must be something very bad that a girl does to make her feel like a * lor. then i got bo song again. why must i 'act' until like that and entertain them when i'm in bad mood sia? i didn't feel the difficulty in 'acting' so i assumed this is within me. all the more worst!!!!!!!!!!! i feel like killing myself now. anyway, while dancing, jo's words kept on repeat in my mind. she said 'dancing in club is just like shaking'. i agree. on the other hand, yc's 'it is superficial' is also repeating. in addition, the one whom i love refused to dance with me but trying to 'multi-task'. what's the point of going to club again man?

i don't know how did i appear yesterday sia. if i look high and happy, i'm frightened by myself. i'm seriously not. i'm still a bit troubled and there is even no feel when my favourite song 'run the show' played. if i can pretend so easily or if i have fallen into that 'S' pit hole, i swear i'll never talk to any new friends in club anymore. i'm serious. this is the first time i have swear. on the other hand, i could have been trying to be high so as to not be so sianx and affect the rest. i-do-not-know.

my mood can be rejuvenated. jo's and yc's may not appear in my mind again. but the feeling of being a * , my pretendence and her motive will repeat. totally turn off now.





i'll try to go to Kenneth's birthday if i can find someone to go as well. hengky's will be confirmed after i confirmed my date with clique. busy busy..