yawns. i'm tired again. cg and i have the same symptons. we get tired easily after a day and we sleep long hours. are we becoming younger like baby or becoming older? haha.

i can't remember if my indifference attitude has changed before or it appeared that it changed, i am still indifference to many issues now. can't really be bothered if some one had hang over and gave no reply to our appointment as it was not the first time. don't even have another choice if somebody had to ps me at an important appointment. confused about parents' responsibility. anything happen to me, i'll just acknowledged and swallow them and nothing happened. for instance, when i lost my ezlink with my fav sticker on it, i counted 1, 2 and 3! whoosh~ unhappiness disappeared. i guess this is just part of the training to be strong.

i was actually shocked about my reactions towards anything w.r.t. jay. no concert tickets? nvm. never pre-order his new album? nvm. i realize that it was because he stayed in one corner of my heart like an old friend. i relied on his music for 10 years already. there's no need for me to do something specially for him to show that i'm a fan of him. i don't care about his private life. i care about his privacy. he's a grown up and can choose whatever he wants to do.











just quarrelled with him because i'm unhappy. he's a negative person and doesn't support me. i'm not sure if negative is the right word though. he asked me why i said he is negative. i came home and i recalled. first time it was the revising issue. i think i was jan when i was still working and had to find time to revise for the may exam. i was already frustrated that i couldn't revise some of time when i had to commit to work. he RUBBED on it.

second time, which was two three days ago when i went for interviews for part time job. he said why would i even want to go interview for telemarketing which doesn't provide useful experience for the future and why wouldn't i go for a perm job. my stand is i'm now having holiday and i do not wished to start perm job now. in addition, it is not tat easy to find flexible jobs. ALSO, before interview, he told me having a perm job will be tiring when school reopens. he contradicts himself and didn't even considered my stand before commenting it. it is only until somehow he realize he got off tracked and started agreeing with me.

third time, i told him about a business idea i have. instantly, he frowned and questioned me. only negative people do that alright!

lastly, i told him about my plans for the birthday party. he thinks my budget went wrongly and i feel so. but he only mentioned about the negative points. nothing but negative points.

his arguments for out of that 4 occasions are that he's tired after a day's work and started 'spouting nonsense', he was walking while talking so he "couldn't concentrate" and said wrong things and he can't express himself well; he will just speak freely with whatever comes to his mind.

for me, i just feel that he is being negative. his subconsiousness showed it all out.

i take it as half glass filled.
he, on the other hand, thinks that it is half glass empty.

what made me unhappy is not about his negative comment. i'm a planner. to find out the problems of each plan has been one of my top priorities. i'm truly unhappy is that he doesn't show his support. he only shows his support vividly after i'm unhappy and i get home then i receive his msg. seriously, i question that kind of 'support'.

i don't know why but i suggested going out with my unhappiness still there. he was affected by my sian-ness and he too, became sian. while on the way back, i tried to cheer him up, talked to him, thinking that i can forget about all. no i can't. it ended up me sending him a final sms that since both of us feel awkward then we shall meet agian until i'm ready. sad.